Stuck in the Middle… #PhDChat

Jenn obtained her PhD in Cardiovascular Physiology at York University and is currently a Postdoctoral Fellow at the Lunenfeld-Tanenbaum Research Institute at Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto, Canada. Though her academic studies have all taken place within Toronto, or less than an hour outside of it, she has a passion for travel that is routinely at odds with her lab work and postdoc salary. Luckily her Lab puppy Quinn is always there at the end of a long day to remind her that the best part of not travelling is getting to spend hours rubbing her tummy or throwing her tennis ball!

I tend to do my best thinking in the shower. There is no phone, no email…just me and my thoughts. Often it is as simple as planning out my day, but other times my thoughts stray to broader, more serious topics – like what do I want to be when I finally acknowledge that I am an adult? It is during these times that I am able to focus most on this significant issue, though as a consequence I usually end up having to shampoo my hair multiple times because I can’t remember if I have done it or not – better to do it twice than not at all.

Very early on in my graduate research, I knew that the PI life wasn’t for me. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy the work, I love bench research, the freedom to carry out experiments of my own design, to collaborate with like-minded individuals but also to be able to set my own schedule and accomplish things independently – a lot of which is unique to the lab environment. The thing is that the actual day to day job of a PI doesn’t appeal to me, plus, I am passionate about other things as well and consider my free time outside of the lab as sacred. That doesn’t mean I didn’t work hard, but at the same time I didn’t think twice about taking almost a month off half way through my Ph.D. to explore Europe [I more told my PI then asked to go…at least she was well aware of my work ethic so the un-impressed look didn’t last too long].

As you finish up your graduate studies, you often find Ph.D.’s fall into one of two main categories; the “next stop amazing postdoc and then my dream PI job” group or the “If I ever see a lab bench again it will be too soon” group. However, there are a growing number of us who fall somewhere in the middle, as we love the research but ultimately don’t see ourselves as PIs in the future. For me, although I was fully aware that I didn’t want to be a PI, I continued down the academia path with a postdoc position so I could continue to do research. Now, with my 4 year anniversary in the lab fast approaching, I found myself in the shower taking stock of whether my path is really taking me towards something or has it set me back from finding a rewarding career.

It started with a simple question…

Do I still enjoy bench research?

Well, the answer to that is really context based…has it been a good couple of weeks filled with results or has my mouse colony overtaken my life? Honestly, while I can get stuck on the failures and frustrations, deep down, I still enjoy it as much as I did when I first started as a wide-eyed student. Does this help me carve out a path for myself…not exactly? My feelings on being a PI have not changed, the life of a research associate can be filled with uncertainty due to positions being dependent on funding levels and when I look at the “alternative” paths I am left wondering whether I would enjoy the job or if I would be good at it, though I will say that 9-5 hours with job security, benefits and a good salary would make travelling a lot easier!

So…how am I trying to figure out my path? Instead of just attending seminars about the next steps, I seem to have taken a different route – helping others find the straightest route to their own goals. When I talk to people just finishing up their degree or starting their postdoc, I find that people who fall into those two different groups often can’t understand one another.

Those dedicated to becoming a PI often see talk of alternative careers as a distraction that takes time away from the lab, or worse, as accepting that they will not realize their goals. On the other side, people preparing for non-academia careers often resent that so much time and effort is spent in grad school preparing you for a position that only a small percentage will achieve. Since I find myself in the middle, I see it as my job to help out both.

I have recently been devoting more of my sacred “out of the lab” time [and shhh…some of my in the lab time] to co-running a seminar series entitled “So you want to be a PI?”, where we bring in hiring committee members, postdocs from the institute who have secured PI positions and new PIs to break down the process in an informal setting with pizza – because hearing those scary hiring numbers is always easier with pizza! As well, I am part of a student volunteer group that organizes career events on positions outside of academia including a career day with speakers from non-traditional career paths that is attended by over 400 life science graduate students every year. These experiences have helped me develop a network both in and out of academia, which may prove invaluable when I finally get around to figuring out what path is right for me.

While it may seem that I am just further delaying finding a “real” job, I see helping others to find their path as a way of networking with people from all walks of the science life. I hope that through this, I am able to find the path that is truly right for me. Will I end up at the bench in the future or abandon it for what could be greener pastures elsewhere…hard to say for now, but hopefully hard work in and out of the lab will allow me to be in the right place should opportunity knock!